Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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