If that was your dad, he is hot
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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