When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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