i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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