I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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