I cannot find my penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
