hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
