I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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