Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
