How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
