He uses pillows to masturbate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
