I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
