I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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