so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
