I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
