she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
