wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had to cum in my sink.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
