i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
