yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We left the knife in your bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
