I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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