yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
