Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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