Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
