Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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