you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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