She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
