isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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