Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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