you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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