I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
