i just had sex bonerless
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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