The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
