Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
