So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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