i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
