I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
