SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
