We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
