guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
