This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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