So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
