He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize