census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
