Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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