apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
