My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
