ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
