I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize