Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
