Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
