i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
