she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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