is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
