I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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