A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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