so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
