I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
