uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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