Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
