he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
