i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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