Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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