My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
