If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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