If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize