you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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