If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
