you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize